可是慢慢地，他那些症狀開始再現。幾乎每天都發恐慌症，還有嚴重的憂鬱。起初Brandan想是不是自己犯了甚麼錯，因為耶穌是平安的主啊。有人告訴他，只要把所有焦慮「放在十字架腳下」，重擔就會得到釋放，所以他就拚命按著所給的處方做--每天讀聖經、禱告、去教會等等，結果怎麼都不靈，反而引起更多的焦慮和憂鬱。 Brandan在臥室牆上掛十字架，專聽基督教音樂，不讀聖經就不上床睡覺等等。當這一切都不管用的時候，他還覺得有必要把自己的掙扎掩藏起來，因為他已經是青年團的領袖了，他想要作牧師，這樣讓別人知道怎麼好呢？
好幾年的時間，他都因為「接受了耶穌進入心中」仍然焦慮，不得不靠藥片來過正常生活而感到很失敗。有人告訴他說，依靠抗憂鬱藥不是神的心意，問題根源在於罪，他只要對付了自己的敗壞，耶穌就會醫治他。...
後來Brandan學習心理學和神學，他的信心逐漸寬闊，他發現主耶穌不會拿走他的藥物，也沒有一個人能在這世界找到長久滿意的生活。也許耶穌給我們的使命不是改進自己的生活品質，而是裝備我們來應付內心的各種神經官能症？也許成為基督徒主要不在於改進自己的心理素質，而成聖主要是關乎生活在破碎中仍然有愛？
你的答案是甚麼？能夠鼓勵其他患憂鬱症的基督徒嗎？英文全文請看時代週刊Brandan自己的見證。
Honest testimonies help depressed people better, to keep their faith, and to ease their anxiety and burden to make shows for others.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting. It helps us realize we are all broken one way or an other.
ReplyDeleteBrandan has been suffering depression long before age of 12 though. He's been in medication more years and finally he's on "Zoloft" for 4 years since freshmen in college.
"Before I became a Christian at the age of twelve, I suffered from severe anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. When I came to Jesus, I was told that I would be healed and finally find joy and lasting peace.
For the first few months it worked. I didn’t have any panic attacks, my suicidal thoughts went away, and my depression vanished. It was a miracle! But slowly, as the new-Christian buzz wore off, my struggles began to reemerge."